Joker's Funfair of Horror
by McGeesJabberwock
Summary: One shot. On Halloween, the Joker pays a visit to a supernatural funfair, where he is asked to make a few improvements...


Holding the calendar in his gloved hand, Joker stared at its October 31st page, and then back at the piles of paper that littered his desk. With a sigh, he threw the calendar to the ground to be claimed by a puddle, and buried his head in his arms. As he lay there, he heard a familiar jolly tune, and lifted himself from his 'work' to see Harley dancing around the hideout, dressed as a bunny. A bright pink jumpsuit replaced her usual harlequin attire, with a pair of cardboard teeth and a giant fake carrot completing the look.

"Hey, Mistah J!" cried Harley, hugging the carrot like it was a teddy bear, "How'd ya like my Halloween costume?"

Returning to staring at his desk, Joker grumbled, "Yeah, yeah."

"What's the matter, puddin'?"

Slowing turning away from his many crumples, Joker sighed. "Fine, I'll tell you." He rose from his chair to look at Harley in the eye. "It's Halloween, but I can't think of a single plan! _Me!_ The Joker, with writer's block? Am I losing my mojo?" Quickly he paced across the hideout, his arms in the air. "All Hallow's Eve demands something _spectacular_!"

Harley put her finger to her lips, which still had the cardboard teeth decorating them. "How about you find some dull ol' Halloween party, and spruce it up wit' your laughin' gas?"

"I've done that two years in a row! How about something new?"

Harley stood for a few minutes in deep thought, or what she thought was deep thought. "I know! We...erm...could go up to some kids trick or treatin'...scare 'em and...steal their candy?"

"Harley?" With that, the Joker ended his pacing and gave Harley his evil eye. "How old are...oh, forget it." Off he went, out of the room. "Forget it. Scarecrow's probably going to try something anyway, let him make Halloween scary. I'm going for a drive. Just a drive around the block. I can think of worse ways to spend a Halloween."

"But Mistah J, our car's all busted and stuff!"

Joker knew that; it wasn't a problem that couldn't be solved by tying someone up and stealing their automobile. With a different ride, the dumb cops would just think he was a partygoer, and even if they knew it was him, they'd be far too scared to do anything about it anyway. So Joker was not to spend his Halloween night torturing the citizens of Gotham, but driving through the city, feeling the October chill in his face. Sure, it was relaxing, and the Joker did like feeling relaxed, but it couldn't compare to the sight and joyful sound of a room full of costumed people, literally laughing to death. They came for a good time, and Joker gave them something much more spectacular than their planned evening of dull dancing and boring blather. Batman ruined it, as Batman is wont to do, but it was still the best Halloween ever. In fact, he had so much fun, he tried it again, but it just didn't have the same effect. The papers were more interested in the Scarecrow caper that had taken place on the same night.

That Scarecrow. The guy was so pretentious, he made Riddler look humble. Always thinking he was so scary, the 'Master of Fear'. No sense of humour about himself. Joker let out a slight chuckle, as he reminded himself how the people of Gotham not only feared him more than the Scarecrow, but found him funnier than that lump of straw.

A while of driving, and Joker had managed to drive out of the city without one cop coming after him. Dumb cops. He didn't even see Batman; maybe the caped crackpot was at a party. Even there, his costume would look ridiculous. The mental image of Batman being mocked by other costumed guests made the Joker giggle again. He needed something to pick himself up. While driving through an empty road, framed by darkened fields, the Joker was about to turn on the radio for some tunes, when something caught his eye.

The unmistakeable sight of a glowing ferris wheel.

Nothing picked up the Joker's spirits more than a good old funfair, so he swerved the car away from the road, and drove across the field towards the direction of the ferris wheel, the roller coaster and the tents, which became more visible as he neared them. The car came to a quick halt as Joker saw the entrance; a gateway decorated by gargoyles and statues of all sorts of horrible creatures. "Well, they don't skimp on the decor," Joker said to himself as he read the sign above the gateway out loud:

"The Creepo Brothers' Funfair of Horror."

After he read the sign and exited the car, he found himself approached by a two-headed green creature dressed as a sideshow barker. One of its heads resembled a watermelon and its other was long and thin, with a mouth that moved like a Muppet's.

"Roll up! Roll up!" said the fat head.

"And enter our funfair of horror!"

"We appear every Halloween..."

"...to terrify you!"

"You will be so frightened..."

"...you'll never be the same!"

"Because our funfair is really, really..."

"...really, really..."

"...really, really..."

"...really scary!"

"Really?" said the Joker, cocking an eyebrow at the monster, "Well, let's see how scary your funfair is!"

"The Joker?" said both Creepo brothers in unison.

"My reputation precedes me," replied the Joker proudly as he marched through the gates, "Now let's see what you've got!" As soon as Joker entered, a small clown, holding a bunch of helium balloons, waddled in. "What's with the Oompa Loompa?"

"It's one of our clowns of fear!" said the fat head, "He makes balloon animals of doom!"

"Huh. Well, 'clown of fear', how about a nice pink poodle?" The small clown then grabbed some modelling balloons, and quickly formed the shape of a poodle. Upon doing so, the balloon morphed into a bulldog, who began to roar and bark at Joker. Sighing, Joker took out a doggy biscuit from his jacket pocket and gave it to the bulldog. The rabid animal ate it, and soon died. "Oh, it does work!" said the Joker cheerfully, "Now I have something to use if the hyenas get too annoying! Ooh, a merry-go-round!"

Joker pranced towards the direction of where he saw the carousel, but as he got closer, he saw that instead of horses and carriages, the ride had rotting corpses impaled on the golden poles.

"Been there, done that," groaned the Joker, before his mood became more cheerful, "A House of Mirrors!" He entered the House of Mirrors jovial, but left slouched over with hands in pockets. "Huh, my reflection is a corpse, what else is new?"

The Creepo Brothers rushed to the Joker. "You're not scared?"

"Hmmm...how do I put this nicely? Killer Croc's toejam is scarier than this pathetic excuse for a 'funfair of horror'!"

"Aw geez," said the tall head nervously, "that's our problem, you see. Our funfair used to be the most horrifying in the land...but now..."

"...now, nobody even gives an 'eek!'" sighed the fat head.

"Anyway, we've heard of how you're always causing havoc in Gotham and turning the citizens to jelly..."

"...so we were wondering...if...if..."

"...you'd help our funfair be a beacon of horror again?"

"You want me to help you improve this place to make it scarier?"

Both heads nodded.

"Well, you came to the right guy! I've forgotten more about making amusement parks creepy than you'll ever know! In no time at all, this place will make all who visit long for clean underwear! Plus, I can think of worse ways to spend a Halloween!"

"Take this," said both heads, handing Joker a wooden cane. "A magic cane, which you can use to make improvements!" Upon snatching the cane, Joker used it to make an anvil materialise in the air, and fall on the Creepo Brothers. The two headed creature managed to crawl out without even a scratch.

After giggling, the Joker said, "Right, let's get on with the improvements! First things first..." He turned towards the clown with the balloons as he made a pin appear in his hand. "Let's fire this Bozo wannabe." Using the pin, Joker deflated the little clown and watched its balloons float up in the air. "Now then, let's have a looky loo at your sideshows!"

Turning around a corner, Joker saw a row of sideshows, all run by green bloated blobs, and turned his attention towards the nearest to him. This sideshow was one of those where one had to throw a ball in a basket to win a prize. For this version of the game, a severed head replaced the basketball.

"Disgusting," said the Joker, shaking his head.

"What?"

"Look at this basket, it's far too big! You could drive a juggernaught through this thing! Don't you know anything about sideshows?" Using the cane, Joker made the basket shrink until the head couldn't fit through it. "And come on, this thing's far too cheap!" The price was raised to five dollars a ball. "Terrifying!" After giving all the sideshows similar treatment, Joker looked for other things to improve, with the Creepo brothers following him all the while.

"The House of Mirrors!" cried the Joker as he entered that very building. "Very dull." Looking at his reflection in one mirror, that showed him as a zombie, Joker feigned a yawn.

"But this is my favourite attraction!" cried the tall Creepo head.

"No wonder you need me with taste like that. Anyway, I have just the thing to make this crap shack scary!" In an instant, Joker zapped the mirror with the cane. The mirror no longer showed Joker as a rotting corpse, but as an anthropomorphic dog. "Ah yes, these are horrifying."

"But some people..." said the fat Creepo head.

"That just makes it more horrifying!" cried Joker before letting loose a maniacal laugh and exited the House of Mirrors to be greeted by a freak show. With the stick, Joker made the freak show disappear.

"Not our freak show!"

"Have you no sense of decency, man? These 'freaks' are people too, and they shouldn't be put on display to be mocked just because they're different! It's not their fault they're the way they are! We should not exploit human deformities for entertainment!" A grin quickly returned to the Joker's face. "Anyway, let's get on with business, shall we?" Just then, the Joker was approached by a living skeleton, juggling skulls. "Ho..." A blast from the cane reduced the juggler to a pile of bones. "...hum. You guys sure have shoddy entertainment. Luckily for you, I have the very thing this place needs." In a second, Joker made Arnold Wesker and his Scarface appear right in the fair.

"Who is that?" asked the fat Creepo head.

"Scarface! The kids love him!"

"This place is quite creepy," mumbled Wesker.

"Shaddup, dummy!" Scarface looked at his master in the eye. "This could ge our gig greak!"

Joker walked over to a concession stand, and looked at what was available. Eyes Cream, Rotten Candy, Hand Burger...

"Puns," snarled the Joker, as he changed it into a more orthodox concession stand, with low prices.

"Hey," said the thin Creepo head, "You made it less creepy!"

"No, I didn't! This stand now sells tonnes of candy for cheap!"

"And?"

"There's nothing scarier than a trip to the dentist, isn't there? Say..." Thus, Joker made a dentist's office appear right next to the concession stand.

All it took was a few minutes for Joker to go about the funfair, making his changes, until the whole place was transformed, now with statues of the Joker's face everywhere.

"I did it!" cried the Joker, "Your funfair is now a homage to horror, a marvel of the macabre, all because of lil' ol' me! I even found a use for all those corpses lying about!" He gestured towards the rotting bodies dressed as clowns hanging from the tents, dancing from the cane's magic. "What do you think?"

"I don't..." said Wesker before being silenced by Scarface.

"Certainly impressive," said the fat Creepo head.

"If only we had someone to test it on!" said the thin Creepo head.

Excited, Joker did a little dance on the spot. "I know the very guy!" Once again using the cane, the Joker teleported none other than a confused Scarecrow to the fair. "Welcome, welcome, Craney, old boy!"

"What is this, Joker? I'm in the middle of an experiment!"

"It's my little Halloween treat from me to you!"

"But I have no time for...OOH!" The Scarecrow rushed over to the basketball sideshow, his eyes drawn there by the giant teddy bear. "I've always wanted a teddy bear like that!" So Scarecrow slapped down five dollars and tried to throw the head in the basket, but to no avail. Another five dollars, another ball, no victory. And again. And again. He didn't even notice he was holding a severed head.

"Cheer up, Scarecrow! We can't all be winners! Have some Coca Cola and ice cream on the house!"

Scarecrow's eyes filled with horror. "But I'm watching my calories! I can't keep my gangly physique if I eat junk like that!"

"Come on! It's a _fair_!"

Trying to avoid Joker and his calories, Scarecrow darted into the House of Mirrors, and darted out screaming.

"Enjoying yourself?" said the Joker, blocking Scarecrow's path.

"I must say, this is significantly more terrifying than most of your other theme park lairs."

"You think it's scary now, wait 'til you see what's in the fun house!"

"May I study it? I'm in need of some inspiration."

"Oh, you. Study, study, study!"

"Some of us don't see life as one big joke." In response to that, Joker grabbed Scarecrow by the neck and dumped pure cane sugar into his mouth.

"Have fun at the dentist!" So Joker made the Scarecrow vanish back to wherever he was before, and feigned a yawn. "As much as he'd like to believe otherwise, Scarecrow's pretty easy to scare. We can do better than him." With a wave of the cane, Joker brought a special guest to the funfair.

None other than Batman himself.

"Happy Halloween, bats! I've got some tricks and some treats!"

Batman looked around for a while. "_Another_ evil carnival? Can't you go outside your comfort zone for once, Joker?"

"Everyone's a critic," sighed Joker, as the Creepo Brothers and a host of other ghouls and monsters appeared. Snatching the magic cane away from Joker, the two headed barker took a good look at their new guest.

"So you're the great Batman?" asked the fat Creepo head.

"Let's show you a good time!" said the thin Creepo head.

"A good scary time!"

"A time that'll be good and scary!"

"Yes."

"Indeed."

"Oh shut up, you two!" cried Joker, "Show Batman my little project!" With that, the ghouls picked up Batman and tossed him into Joker's renovated funhouse. After Batman came stumbling out of it, the monsters took Batman through the House of Mirrors before throwing him onto the carousel, now bearing horses that grinned like a certain clown prince of crime. After one horse took a tight hold of Batman, the carousel went through several rapid rotations, and when it ended, Batman had found his costume had turned powder blue.

Upon stepping off the carousel, Joker appeared again, holding a large chocolate bar.

"You wouldn't!" growled Batman before he found it being stuffed in his mouth.

"C'mon! Chocolate's supposed to lighten your mood, misery guts! Now how about a game?" Joker grinned wider, bouncing a ball in his palm. Batman said nothing. "No? Well, how about my piece de resistance?" The ghouls ran up to Batman again and tossed him in a rollercoaster car. "Fasten your seatbelts!"

Thus began a ride where Batman found himself travelling through a black void, where he could hear nothing but the sound of continuous laughter. Joker laughter. Before long, a huge Joker head rose from the abyss and began to follow Batman's car, taunting the dark knight. "Neh-neh-neh-neh-neh! Your mother is so fat..."

"Now that's what I call ego-stroking," said the fat Creepo head as both brothers watched. The ride then ended, and Batman's car pulled up before Joker and the Creepos, with the latter prancing up towards the rider.

"So, Batman, was that not a terrifying experience?"

"Not really. I've seen scarier. In fact, I kinda liked the House of Mirrors."

"Well, guess I'm gonna have to try harder."

"Actually, while I was in the funhouse, I managed to contact Comissioner Gordon and he and the Gotham PD should be here shortly."

"Oops, time I wasn't here!" said the Joker as he ran off into the distance. The Creepo Brothers aimed their cane at Batman, but the dark knight grabbed it from their hand and snapped in two over his knee. Before the two headed barker and the creatures could make their exit, a group of police cars arrived at the funfair's entrance. The ghouls raised their hands in the air as Gordon and the Gotham PD came out, baring their guns.

"Well, well, well," said Gordon approaching the Creepos, "May I see your permit?"

"We don't need a permit," said the fat Creepo head.

"We're scary ghouls from Hell!"

"Tell it to the judge! And what's this?" Gordon turned towards the dead bodies, Wesker, then the sideshows. "Grave-robbing? Breaking out Ventriloquist? Rigged sideshows? You ghouls better have a good lawyer."

The monsters were led into the paddy wagons while Gordon and Batman had a little chat.

"So you say the Joker was working with them, and he escaped?"

"Yes," growled Batman, "but I'll find him before the night's over."

"You sure you can do it in that time? And in that costume?"

"I can think of worse ways to spend a Halloween."


End file.
